How Not to be Effective

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on this blog. Over these past months I’ve been learning a lot about myself and how I want to live my life. I’ve struggled through being too busy, meeting new people, sorting out what to become involved with and easing myself into a life that makes sense to me. My goals have shifted a bit and the path towards them has shifted as well. To that end, I offer this post that was borne out of a  particularly busy month.

How not to be Effective on a Daily Basis

Every day we are faced with a zillion choices. And every day we are given opportunities to be affective and do great things or not be affective and accomplish little that pleases us.

Just like everyone I have days when the most I can accomplish is grocery shopping and laundry. And days when I get the list done. And days when a good idea manages to surface. There are also those days in which I meet my life’s mission statement of being a beneficial influence on the planet. And then there are the days when I don’t do any writing, the children’s book languishes on the table with only the outline and I feel as if I’m pulled in so many directions I don’t know which pieces to pick up first.

So all of these pieces got me to thinking. What things do I really want to accomplish? In my work? In my personal life? In my creative life? And can I actually figure out how to be more affective in the various areas of my life? This then lead me to think of how I’m not being affective, why that is so, and do I have any control over my own effectiveness quotient?

To that end here is my list of how not to be affective:

1. Check email more than one or two times a day. By doing this I then distract myself and totally loose my train of thought on the more useful projects.
2. Try to do all of the tasks of my work myself. By doing this my assistant has less to do and I get to keep busy. Once again having less time to work on more useful projects.
3. Clean my house, do the laundry, and grocery shop instead of finding ways to either hire someone or grocery shop online. By spending whole days doing this the writing and thinking don’t get done.
4. Have a list that never ends at both work and home so that I feel completely overwhelmed and unable to bring myself to do any drawing or writing when I do have some time.
5. Sign up for any and all classes that sound even remotely interesting to me. This way I’m learning all sorts of stuff that might come in handy one day rather than focusing on the topics that will come in handy because I have a plan of the direction in which I am going.
6. Tell people I’ll do all sorts of things for the various organizations I am affiliated with and then not find ways to delegate and share the load. This way I feel great when people thank me for all my hard work and I never sit down to my own work that I keep pining over.
7.  Never sit down and think about what is truly important to me and never sit down to   make a plan of action.
8. Think that I have so much to do that I couldn’t possibly go do something fun because then I’d feel like I was wasting my time on this earth and not accomplishing something. As a result I don’t even take the time to plan because that’s just one more thing on the to do list.

I think this list could go on, but I’ll stop here. As I look at the list it is the “shoulds” and the ” busyness” and the constant “must be doing to feel useful and productive” that actually gets in my way of creating and enjoying my days.

The interesting thing for me is that when I check email once or twice a day I suddenly find myself with hours of extra time; a phenomenon that astounded me the first time I did that. I thought, gosh, I don’t spend hours on email so what’s up with this? I then realized it was all of the starting and stopping connected with email that was robbing me of my time and attention. When i disabled the little ping that tells me I’ve just received email, I got so much more done. The funny thing is, that I’ve gradually drifted back into my old ways – ways that are sanctioned at work as part of the culture of “if I don’t make myself constantly available something bad might happen and I wouldn’t be able to handle the situation right away”. Hmm.. I’m thinking this kind of thinking is great for brain surgeons but not for me. I never really have big emergencies in my line of work. I can probably scale back to checking email once in the morning and once in the late afternoon without anyone’s life being ruined because they didn’t have instant access to me.

And all of those lists and busyness in my life? Do I need them to feel important and productive? Are they really helping others and myself? I think it may be time to start learning to let go of it all; albeit a difficult task in a “to do list” minded society, but one that is worthwhile. I think if I can really sort through the lists and share the tasks with others I can focus on the tasks that will have bigger impact on my work and life.

For example, if someone else does the filing or cleaning, I can work on finding solutions to real problems at work or creating articles, presentations and art work. Or if I can focus on the top one to three things per day I won’t feel overwhelmed and I’ll actually feel great when the list is done! And then I can say I accomplished something worthwhile, especially if at least one of those tasks is related to a useful endeavor.
The result being that I will have real reasons to feel a sense of accomplishment and take pride in my work rather than getting a superficial feeling of accomplishment from checking everything off of the list.

And finally, by re-arranging my days to include more meaningful tasks, either small or large, I will be moving forward in ways that will leave me feeling positive about myself, my work and how affective I was on any particular day. Then I won’t feel the need to work non- stop. And i’ll actually feel like sitting down to plan out fun things to do without feeling badly if I take time for fun because the fun will have been a part of the plan. And the best part of this is that I’ll have time to rest, laugh and rejuvenate thereby enabling my mind to work more affectively at finding solutions and creating. So that what I end up with are days that have a little bit of busyness, actions taken toward solving real problems, creating work that pleases me and time spent enjoying the day. Because in the end, I don’t think people lament not finishing the to do list, I think people lament not feeling affective or having enjoyed their time here on the planet.

At the end of the day or my life, I want to feel affective, satisfied with my days, and a sense of enjoyment, ease and peace. I am finding that the more I let go of doing things the way society keeps pushing me to do things, the happier I feel, the more affective I am in my work, the more ideas I come up with and the more consistently I create. All of which leaves me feeling more content and at ease. Now the trick is to sustain this plan. How you might ask? I think it’s in keeping the plan in front of my face, staying committed to it, and knowing in my heart of hearts i’m on the right path. May you find your own path to satisfying, peaceful and happy days. peace. cms.

Let There Be Love

Today I am struck by how seldom I hear words such as kindness, caring, thoughtful, compassion, wisdom, sharing, and most importantly of all, love. It seems to me that whenever I actually pay attention to any sort of media I never really see these words used much. On the one hand it makes me glad I got rid of cable t.v. and as a result I’m no longer bombarded by so much negativity and rhetoric from some group about another group. And at the same time, I’m saddened by the ubiquitous nature of so much negativity that I wonder how anyone can get out of bed in the morning after listening to it all.

I find myself asking just when did we become a nation of complainers, whiners, critics, and self righteous son of a bitches – to the degree that our children seem to think that they are entitled to take whatever they want from another and if they don’t get the grade they want from a teacher, rather than try to figure out how they can improve, they tell their parents who in turn threaten to sue if little Johnny doesn’t get his A – even if little Johnny didn’t bother to do the assignments.

What happened to love thy neighbor? What happened to do your best? what happened to every one is entitled to their own opinion? What happened to a reverence for life, love and the pursuit of happiness? Did i miss something by turning off the television? Did we enter a new space – time continuum and some how i failed to notice?

I don’t know how we all go to this point. I only know that two things stand clear for me as possible ways out of this current situation. One is that quaint yet true poster entitled, “All Really I Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten” and the other is the Beatles song, “All You Need is Love”. Seriously. I believe that if we take the time to listen to each other, really listen, from a place of kindness and compassion and think of sharing warm cookies and milk with our enemies we might just start creating a better world.

And I believe that love is the true essence of who we are, whether we realize it or not, and if we can each get in touch with our essence we can become better people and that our love will spread out in ripples across the planet.

So how can we spread these ripples – one tiny action at a time. Remember, this blog is about taking actions towards creating a more authentic or “naked” life. And getting to our truest essence is about as authentic as we can get. So I encourage you all to try to be just a little kinder, a little less judgemental and spread love one smile at a time.

I know it’s not always easy. I know I have times when I am critical, unkind and too judgemental. I also know that I’m trying really hard to let go of these things and as I do, my life is calmer, more peaceful and generally a happier place to be. Do I always remember to let go of the negativity and be a kinder gentler me? No. not always. more often. and when it happens I feel more whole. and when it doesn’t i feel as if a part of me has been injured.

I would like to offer you three links as food for thought:

1. a movie that may inspire you to express your loving nature daily

www.youarelovemovie.com

2. that simple yet true poster, All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

www.peace.ca/kindergarten.htm

3. An article written by Brene Brown for Psychology Today entitled: The Cruelty Crisis: Bullying isn’t a School Problem, It’s a National Pastime

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ordinary-courage/201010/the-cruelty-crisis-bullying-isnt-school-problem-its-national-pastime

I hope that each of these links will touch you in a way that will result in positive action in your life; action that will hopefully spread out in small ripples to others. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. This one might sound a bit preachy and if it does, i’m sorry about that and i hope it doesn’t turn you off to the message. Because it’s a message that i think we need to start spreading no matter how preachy or polly anna-ish it may sound.

Love is at our core. We just have to believe in it and touch it. And the Beatles got it right, “all we need is love”. peace and love to you all. cms.

A Time for Tea

So here we are at the end of 2010. A lot has happened in the past year. And I suspect a lot will happen in the year 2011. I, for one, am keeping a positive attitude about the coming year and looking forward to some new endeavors that I’ve been working towards these past months. At the same time I want to acknowledge the positive changes that have occurred in my life over this past year; things such as working out with a trainer and getting stronger, writing a blog, playing the piano better, and learning more about myself to name just a few things. I’m sure that you, too, have your own list of accomplishments along with a list of potential ones for 2011. It’s only natural. I think it’s what we all do. Hence all the books, blogs, and articles, on changing your life, reaching your goals and keeping those resolutions.

I’m going to bypass all of that and write about something else that I think will benefit us in the new year. I’m home today enjoying a rainy day. Not doing too much of anything – including not doing the two or three things left on my list for the week. I know I could be doing them. And yet, I’d rather just hang out. Read, rest, take a bubble bath, make a nice cup of tea – and use the good china to drink it. Later I think I’ll start a fire in the fireplace. ahh…. the joys of just being. Of truely enjoying these little moments in time.

It seems to me that as we go about our days, months and years checking off lists, reaching goals and moving ever steadily forward in our lives that we have the tendency to negate the value of time spent just being; drinking the cup of tea in the good china and taking our time doing it. I, too, tend to think I’m not moving forward if I can’t see the progress in front of me. And yet…. these past couple of days just hanging I’ve felt a sense of calm and even of relief as I realize I have the time to just hang out. It has sort of slowed my brain down. At first I almost felt guilty and then I realized that I’ll be back to being busy soon enough so why not just enjoy this time just as it is. And why not realize that my life isn’t going to come crashing down around me if I take a few days to just hang out; enjoy reading a good book and watching the rain.

So, that’s what I’m doing today – hanging out, reading, writing a blog post only because I feel moved to do so. I want to try to capture some of this feeling from today and yesterday so that I can keep it with me throughout the year. I want to remember to take time to just hang out and have a cup of tea without worry of getting the list done. Because I think it is in those quiet moments where we find peace of mind, make realizations, come up with ideas and generally feel at ease with ourselves. And to me these are great gifts and gifts to not be missed.

During this upcoming year as you go scurrying about with all of your accomplishments, take time to notice the progress you’ve made, pat yourself on the back for each small step you take, and from time to time stop and have a cup of tea in the good china. Really sit there and enjoy the tea. Enjoy the pretty cup. Enjoy pouring the tea from the tea pot into the cup and just really be there for this little break in your routine. Then slowly get up, smile at your self, and once again take up the gauntlet of life knowing that you have built up a little special reserve inside of you that will see you through until the next cup of tea.

P.S. if you find your mind having trouble resting while you drink your tea you might try this little meditation I read in a book by Jack Kornfield – I’m sorry I can’t remember the name of the book. The directions for the meditation are to first say it for yourself over the course of several weeks, then for others – people you love, people you work with, people you see on the street, and so on until you can say it for people you find difficult.

The meditation:

“May I be filled with loving kindness
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.”

may we all. peace and all the best in the new year. cms.

Are you a jackass whisperer?

One of my new favorite blogs to check out is Brene Brown’s blog at www.dailycourage.com . I discovered her quite by accident. I was on Amazon. com looking for a new book and found her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, ordered it, read it, loved it and am new re-reading it more slowly. So I figured I’d check out her blog. It’s a fun site and she posts every so often on a wide variety of topics related to living life with courage, compassion and connection – the three gifts of imperfection.

So the other day she had a quote that has stuck with me. The quote is this: “Don’t try to win over the haters. You’re not the jackass whisperer.” – by Scott Stratten author of “Unmarketing:Stop Marketing. Start Engaging.” The book title sounds interesting…. and the quote even more so. Why have I found this quote to be so interesting? I’ve been playing around with how this might play out in daily life; especially the second part of the quote – You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Just for fun let’s play around with how this could work in one’s daily life. Ok, ready? Let’s go!

Scenario one: you are talking to someone about something you like and the person says, “ew, you like that???”  And rather than try to justify what you like or convince them it’s fine or even take the high road that tries to explain to the person how insulting their statement is and give them a kinder gentler way to express their thought, you turn and walk away with your head held high because you are not the jackass whisperer. Nothing you say will change their thinking. So you just dis-engage, realize they haven’t a clue as to how to show compassion much less connect with others and rather than try to teach them in that small moment you walk away because you are not the jackass whisperer.

Scenario two: You are at work and yet again people are complaining. Rather than try to neutralize their complaints or show them how their complaining actually holds them back, or worse yet, engage in the complaining, you simply walk right on by the conversation. Why? because you are not the jackass whisperer. It isn’t your job to try to change these people or to show them that there really is a better way to live one’s life.

Scenario three: Someone close to you says, “I just want you to listen” when what they really mean is that they want you to sit quietly why they blast you with all the things they think are wrong with you – and they do this not to help you improve yourself but rather in the misguided notion that if you only listen you will change and behave the way they want and then their life will be perfect. Instead you politely say no, thank you, and walk away. Why? because any relationship that has reached that level of controlling behavior  is unhealthy for you and you are never going to change that person – so you don’t try because you are not the jackass whisperer.

And wow! if you actually dis-engage, walk on by and decline to engage in hateful conversations your life will much more pleasant. Imagine all of the hurtful, mean spirited, negative speech and actions you won’t have in your life! I mean, really, this could be life changing! I started this off as sort of a tongue in cheek exercise designed to answer the question: how would I behave differently if i took the attitude that I am not the jackass whisperer? And as I look at these three scenarios I realize I would live my life only engaging in exchanges that would result in me making real connections with others, showing compassion to myself and others, setting boundaries, and generally only allowing positive people into my life.

I used to think that I had to engage – just recently I kept myself in a conversation that turned mean to me – afterward I realized I could have just walked away. And i wondered why I didn’t. It wasn’t as if the person had any real control over me. I think I wanted to try to explain things to the other person or defend myself – but the reality is this: the other person didn’t care one bit about what I think. So why engage in such a hurtful and mean encounter? Because I think I have to? Because i think i can’t just walk away? hmm…. it seems to me that I was trying to be the jackass whisperer in that situation. Had I realized this I might have behaved differently. I might have just walked away because I am NOT the jackass whisperer. and neither are you. No one is really.

All those jackasses out there are hurting, or having a bad day, or blaming others for their troubles, and generally living unhappy lives.  I think these things show up as the ills that we see in today’s modern society – too much stuff, fat, debt, complaints, disbelief in the possibilities of life, negative thinking, self righteous thinking, and controlling behaviors. It seems to me that these behaviors have become smokescreens that allow us to blame everything and everyone but ourselves for our unhappiness and as a result i think people become jackasses. I really don’t think they were born that way nor do I think most people wake up in the morning and ask themselves how they can be a jackass that day. I think that over time they cover up the pain with poor behaviors none of which lead to happiness, joy, compassion, and connections with others. And how sad that so many people don’t learn this.

The goal of this blog started off to share what I have learned about peeling back some of the layers mentioned above. I wanted to share on a wider scale what I’ve shared with others in one on one conversations. As I have written this blog I have found that the sharing has benefited me just as much as any of my readers. I have come to realize from reading books, blogs, and talking with others that it is this process of sharing our journey and lessons learned along the way that we all ultimately find the actions necessary to liberate ourselves from a life of pain/ hurt/ jackass-ness into a life of courage, compassion, joy, happiness and connection with others.

And that while the jackasses of the world think they are protecting themselves by hurting others, those of us who are letting go of these negative aspects of life are protecting ourselves through vulnerability, kindness, compassion, and love. And speaking as a former control freak i gotta say, these things can be scary at times, but they are so worth it. We really do grow through vulnerability. who knew?

So jackasses beware! i am no longer the jackass whisperer. you’re going to have to go find someone else. I am, however, one of the “whisperers” for those wanting to create positive change in their lives. People who want to join in a journey that will liberate themselves one action at a time until we are living “naked”. cms.

the strength of vulnerability

How is it that being vulnerable makes us stronger? How is it that it enables us to become more connected to others? why is it that so many of us are afraid of it? What happened to us that we lost the ability to really connect with others? Did we get a random hurtful comment one too many times? And if it hurt us so badly why do we seem to pass it on? to our kids, friends, co-workers, siblings, and man on the street. Does passing it on make us feel just a little bit better if for only a brief moment? And is it worth it?

It seems to me that we humans hurt ourselves and each other way too often and way too deeply and quite often without really realizing it fully – i say it that way because i think that at some level we know what we are doing – we might not even be able to stop ourselves – but we know what we are doing. Which of course begs the question – if we know what we are doing why do we continue to do it? Is it because that knowledge lies so deep in us that we can ignore it more easily than if we had allowed it to come to the surface?

And still i wonder – if our actions hurt others why do they result in us feeling better about ourselves? is it because we some how justify it by thinking of ourselves as being better than the other person and as a result we feel better about ourselves – this means then that we elevated ourself above another by demeaning the other person. How is that going to enable us to feel happiness, joy, kindness, compassion and ultimately that unexpected strength builder, vulnerability? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, these behaviors of hurting others aren’t going to get us anywhere except deeper in the hole of unhappiness, unkindness, unjoyfulness, and ultimately we will feel disconnected from others – and perhaps even blaming others for our discontent.

Now there’s a twisted tale if ever i heard one. And i’ve heard this one before because i’ve lived it. And so have you. I think we’ve all at some point in our lives blamed others for our unhappiness; compared ourselves to others and decided we came out on top or felt so “less than” that we had to bury that and so declared ourselves the “winner” by saying I don’t have to look that way or have that talent. And how many people feel like rushing right out to be vulnerable with the people they know? maybe with a close friend or two, but what about with a new friend? an acquaintance? a co-worker? what about these people? are we ready to be vulnerable with them and show them more of who we really are inside?

This really is a tough question for me right now. And a new concept. Strength through vulnerability. How does that work exactly? I give a little piece of myself and i see if the other person gives a little piece of themselves? Doesn’t that take a lot of trust you ask? hmmm… i’m asking the same question. I’m puzzling over how this might look on a day to day basis. I’m puzzling on where to start. I’m puzzling on with whom to start.

Maybe the starting place is with people we know and trust a bit – we’re probably pretty good at being vulnerable with good friends – so we could practice a bit with them and then branch out to people who we know as part of our daily lives – the trainer at the gym, the teacher we see every day, the co-worker, the business aquaintance, our hairdresser – we could ask a question that is more than where do you live but not so deep as to startle the person – and more importantly we can open ourselves up to the questions that enable others to see parts of who we are; parts that speak to what we value in ourselves and others, in daily life, and our interactions with others. What makes us smile? what makes us hum? what saddens us? what gladdens us? what are our goals and ambitions? why do we read the books we read? why do some of us choose to watch t.v. and others do not? why do some of us love chocolate and others do not? You get the picture.

I’m guessing here, but my thinking at the moment is that it is more than just the asking and answering of these questions that makes us vulnerable. I’m thinking that it is allowing ourselves to be in a real situation with out worry to “keep up appearances” or keep us safe from goodness knows what kind of response. Or looking silly or….you fill in the blank. Because it seems to me that if we can stand with confidence in who we are while we are letting someone in – even just a little bit – we derive strength from vulnerability.

So this is what i’m going to do. I’m going to look at how i talk with people in all sorts of settings. I’m going to see if i can tweak things just a little bit here and there. Just enough to feel more like my real self as often as possible. and i’m going to be brave and try not to worry so much about appearances or someone else’s response. I’m just going to “worry” about my own responses and my own appearances and keep them as close to the real me as i can for each day.

Then maybe over time i’ll be more vulnerable and stronger. sort of like working out at the gym – you come in day in and day out and you really don’t notice the changes until one day your trainer has you do something you didn’t think you were strong enough to do and voila! you do it and it isn’t really that hard! that’s when you know you’re stronger and for me, i feel proud of myself when that happens; pleased that i put in the time and commitment to myself every day and now can do something i couldn’t do before – and.. here’s the best part – it feels so natural to me to do it. well then, if i can do that in the gym, surely i can commit to developing my inner strength too. It feels a bit scary. It even feels like a crazy idea. It also feels right.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas – maybe by listening for a moment, really listening, to those around us, and our hearts, we might just find our strength in vulnerability. And like the Grinch our hearts and lives will expand. That’s what I’m hoping for – a deeper connection to others just like the Grinch who in the end shared the festivities with the Who’s down in Whoville and discovered the beauty of connecting with others; even if he did have to eat the roastbeast!

Here’s a quote from Brene Brown, author of “I thought it was just me” and “the gifts of imperfection”:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

May we all find our own light. Peace. cms.

a quiet little revolution

When i started this blog i spoke about the revolution of living free – free of debt, free of soul crushing jobs, free of unhealthy habits and breaking the boundaries of layers upon layers of “stuff” in our lives that have held us back with the result being that we ultimately become more “naked”  and lead lives that leave us feeling contentment, peace, joy, and satisfaction at the end of the day.

As I have continued on this journey I have found myself taking paths i had not anticipated. I had at first thought that trying to free myself of the confines of needing to work for a living and exploring my other interests was going to be the main direction of this blog. I thought, well, i’ll write about peeling back the layers that hold us back from achieving our dreams and in the process i’ll achieve some of my dreams.

What i didn’t realize was the impact this journey was going to have on my inner life. As i began to write i realized that this journey is deeper than i had anticipated. And as i have read other books and had talks with all sorts of people, i have come to see avenues along the inner path i had not thought of before.

For example as I have gone about my daily life since going back to work after vacation, I have found myself looking at what does it mean to show up every day? (people can depend on you) How does it feel to speak up in a professional setting and tell someone their behavior towards you has been unacceptable? (scary and satisfying)  Is it possible to get up every morning and go to the gym at 6 am without loosing your mind? (yes) Can one live well and spend little? (absolutely)

Here’s the thing i’m learning – by attending to all of these little things one builds better self esteem, professionalism, happiness, health, wealth, connections, joy, compassion and just a plain ol’ good life. I am finding that by asking and answering deep questions about myself and my approach to life i am finding ways out of many of the layers that have held me back.

For example, I have begun to take a serious look at how i set boundaries in my life and how i speak up for myself. Traditionally i haven’t been so great at either of these things. As a result hurts tend to pile up and then one day i’m “just done!”. hmm… not such a great strategy for living a healthy, professional and compassionate life. What i have learned is that by really looking deeply into how this has played out in my life i am beginning to learn how to change this aspect of my life.Or to put another way, by owning my story as one author put it, i’m freeing myself of the embarrassment of my past and am finding new ways to handle setting boundaries.

One thing i’ve learned is that compassion and boundaries are connected. This actually came as a small revalation to me. But if you think about it, it makes sense. If we give a child boundaries we are showing the child we care about them and we are showing the child we care about ourselves. the same is true of our adult relationships. By setting boundaries we show that we respect and care for ourselves and others. If we don’t set boundaries we allow bullies to walk all over us and our actions say, “heck, i’m unimportant and don’t really care or respect myself so you can do whatever you want to me.”

But hey, if i want to move forward in my life i need to care and respect myself – not to mention others. So what’s the solution? compassion. How do i achieve it? I can start by setting boundaries of behavior and even though it can be scary, i can do it every day – and i’m imagining it’ll get easier day by day – if not… well, i’ll just do it anyway.

so what is the point of this post? there is a quiet little revolution taking place in the world – there are people from all over waking up to the notion that stuff, t.v., bad food, trying to be perfect and do everything for everyone and being a super human busy person result in exhaustion instead of a life that we look forward to every day. And if we want to build a life that encompasses things such as peace, joy, connections, compassion, and freedom, we need to give up the things that steal them from us. And to do that, we need to do the scary work – the work that leaves us vulnerable and yet some how stronger. A paradox i am just now learning about and learning to live. and that i believe is the quiet little revolution – that to be free one must go deep, face the dark places and come out on the other side.

And to do that, we need to give up the things that block that path or numb the pain – t.v. , complaining, blaming, absolving ourselves of responsibility for our lives and so forth. How do we do that? We do that by taking little steps day in and day out – showing up, practicing kindness, caring for ourselves, trying new things and seeking out others to join us on this journey.

And along the way, these new thoughts, ideas and actions may ultimately lead us to our own quiet little revolution. May you feel and express kindness and compassion to yourself every day and may it spill out onto others.  peace. cms

The Power of Commitment

How many times have you heard someone or yourself say things such as: I want to earn more money; I want to loose weight; I want to get a new car; I want to create more art; I want to write a book? And how often do you see people actually do these things? Not that often is my observation. So why is that? I think it has to do with commitment and taking action.

These dreams we talk about require effort, energy and time. I believe that if we act like we’re serious about our goals then the universe and our minds will guide us towards what we need to achieve them. How do we show we’re serious about these goals and dreams? We commit ourselves to them. Wholeheartedly. 100%. to. the. goal. period. no excuses. failure not an option.

Well, yes, you say. ok I’ve heard this before. I have to take action.  I have to believe. I have to stop doing meaningless things with my time and do more meaningful things with my time. But hey, I work all day and I’m tired when I get home and I just want to relax and do nothing. Ok, you can do that. We all can. In fact, I highly recommend resting when we get home from work. We need a break. Then after that rest we need to use the time we have to do something toward reaching our goals – even if it’s a small something, it’s still something.

So what do people actually do? Nothing. They rest and then they never get back up. And here’s what I’ve seen happen, the next day they complain about their life, about the world, about their jobs and so forth. I’ve been guilty of this myself recently. My work has become too stressful for me and instead of taking care of myself I’ve escaped into the world of a great novel. The problem is that this behavior of just shutting down after work gets to be a habit. And so in the end we just work, veg, complain, work, repeat. Day in and day out. And then wake up one day and realize we’ve missed our dreams.

It seem to me that if we really want to change our lives, we must leave the “ain’t it awful” club and join the “positive change through positive thought & action” club. This change takes commitment on our parts. We live in a world of complainers. We hear it everywhere we go. For me it is a constant struggle to avoid getting caught up in the vortex of complaining. I find I have to consciously guard against it.

And now it seems that the message of “life is hard” is every where I turn. And to give a positive message almost seems unpatriotic. That’s just crazy to me. If we really want to make a difference in the world and change our lives we first need to change our mindset. We must commit to greatness. We must commit to making a change. We must commit to believing in our abilities. We must commit to a new life, new world, new way of thinking. If we fail in this, then the legacy we leave to our children is this: all that positive talk is just mumbo jumbo and really has no basis in reality. That is a world I for one just do not want to live in. And as a result I’m making some commitments of my own. Right here on the spot for everyone to see. If these commitments make sense to you, join me in them. If they don’t, then find some that do and commit to them.

My commitments for a new world:
1. I hereby commit to living a complaint free life.
2. I hereby commit to neutralizing negative comments that come my way.
3. I hereby commit to changing my mental blueprint in terms of wealth and building for myself a greater net worth.
4. I hereby commit to writing deeply.
5. I hereby commit to standing up for the value of positive thinking.
6. I hereby commit to telling people my mission in life – to be a beneficial presence in the world and I commit to living it every day.
7. I hereby commit to doing small things consistently day in and day out that make a positive impact on the planet and sharing it with others.
8. I hereby commit to continued personal growth; to seeking out new ways to learn more and grow more; and to taking action daily towards personal growth and goals.

So how’s that for starters? It feels so empowering to write it down! This is something you just have to try. You’ll feel an energy flowing through you that you hadn’t felt prior to writing down your commitments. I for one also feel more of a sense of purpose just from declaring these 8 commitments. I hadn’t expected to feel this way, but, there it is. My guess is that this is going to make an impact on my life. I, too, need to be reminded that by committing to a goal or dream or idea we can breathe life into it and it can become a reality.

At this point i’m going to make a further commitment – I’m going to commit to working to working towards a small business – be it art / design and / or the Shaklee business i’ve started. I’m going to take the time to work these two things and see how far i can take them. Who knows where this might lead?

And that is the point of this post: who knows where our commitments can lead us? We sit here in a state of “want” that we can change just by committing to the change/ dream / goal. If we can really make a strong commitment, we can open the doors to all sorts of options we might never have seen before much less considered or even done. Let us commit today to the dreams we hold dear. Let us look for courses, books, coaches and mentors who can assist us on the journey and help us keep alive this feeling of the power to achieve. The power we derive from saying “ I commit”. Stand up and be counted. Commit. Live well. May the force be with you in peace. cms.

Daily Peace

Today I’m tired. I could use a little inspiration. I could use a little more time to think. I could use a little less pressure on me to be all that i can be. So what’s a girl to do at a moment like this? The answer i think is to just find some time to just be. To have quiet time to just sit or go for a walk or whatever strikes my fancy. then i will be able to recharge myself and re-ignite my passion and see my path clearly again.

It can be easy to let the world intrude on your time. It is also easy to let the world drain you of your precious energy. It takes strength of character to know when to say, no and when to stop. rest. recharge. be. Today i feel the need to just be quiet for awhile. Nothing monumental. Just find a little time to be still and see what my small voice has to say. It may say nothing. It, too, may need that quiet time. It, too, may need to just be still.

So my offering to everyone today is to create quiet time for yourself – even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes a day – and protect it. Because it is in these quiet moments that we know what is really important to ourselves. And we can find our way again through the peace that this time brings us.

I’d like to offer this poem from the book, “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Peace is every step,
The shining red sun is my heart.
Each flower smiles with me.
How green, how fresh all that grows.
How cool the wind blows.
Peace is every step.
It turns the endless path to joy.

May we all find a moment of peace in each day. cms

The Art of Living Consciously by Alexander Green · September 3rd, 2010

Below is a post written by Alexander Green who writes Spiritual Wealth. I copied this post because I thought it represented one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time about living consciously which is necessary to taking action to change our lives. I did not get  permission to copy this post so I hope Mr. Green doesn’t mind me sharing it on my blog. You should give his blog, Spiritual Wealth, a try sometime. It is definitely a cut above the fray.

One of the benefits of attending and speaking at Mark Skousen’s FreedomFest each year  – billed as “The World’s Largest Gathering of Free Minds” – is getting to know a lot of smart, interesting people.

One of them is Dr. Nathaniel Branden.

A long-time psychotherapist and corporate consultant, Branden is a leading authority on self-esteem, a field he pioneered more than forty years ago. His many books include Honoring the Self and The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

Branden believes our greatest calling is to live consciously. This is not pop psychology. Branden is a serious thinker who argues that true satisfaction and peace of mind are only found when our values, interests, goals and behavior are all in alignment.

A young father, for instance, may say that his relationship with his children is a high priority and watching TV is a low priority. But if he spends several hours a week in front of the Tube and very little time interacting with his kids, his values and behavior are out of whack. The result – among other consequences – is a feeling of disharmony.

Living consciously means taking a close look at your life and perceiving your situation clearly. It means opening yourself to the possibility of errors in your thinking. Indeed, it requires an eagerness to discover your mistakes, candor about admitting them and a willingness to correct them.

This isn’t always easy. By the time we are adults, many of our thoughts and beliefs have crystallized. Having discovered and settled on “the truth,” many of us aren’t interested in exposing ourselves to contradictory evidence or opposing points of view.

Yet as Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson noted 150 years ago, “God offers every mind the choice between truth and repose. Take which you please – you can never have both.”

Living consciously means accepting that whatever is, is. Our desires don’t obliterate uncomfortable facts about the way things are. No matter how much we may wish things were different, reality is intransigent. Acknowledging this is part of growing up.

Conscious living also means being present to what you are doing while you are doing it. When you are in the office, you focus on your work, not the golf course. When you are playing golf, you concentrate on your game rather than fretting about business. When you are playing with your grandkids, you are not mulling over the real estate contract on your desk or reflecting on the last homeowner’s meeting. You are aware, open and receptive to the present moment. This is a challenge for all of us. But greater mindfulness creates more effectiveness in every area of our lives.

Conscious living also entails finding creative solutions to our problems. And Branden has developed a fascinating way to uncover them: sentence completion exercises.

It’s a simple but powerful technique to expand personal effectiveness. The procedure requires you to take a sentence stem and write down six to ten endings rapidly, without pausing to think. There is no censoring your thoughts or worrying about whether a particular ending is reasonable or significant. The objective is to generate insights by avoiding inhibitions and quickly jotting down whatever enters your mind.

For example, the sentence stem, “If I bring five percent more consciousness to my work – ” might generate responses like:

I’d learn more about my business.
I’d procrastinate less.
I’d think more about my priorities.
I’d spend less time on e-mail.
I’d stay focused on important issues.

The idea is to increase your awareness, change your behavior and improve your results. Imagine, for example, how your business might change if you gave six to ten reflexive answers to these sentence stems:

If I think about how I set my priorities –
If I want to have a more effective team –
If I look at how I spend my time –
If I want my employees to trust and admire the company –
If I want to keep a customer for life –

Branden provides more examples and describes this practice in detail in The Art of Living Consciously. What most surprises me about these exercises is how quickly and efficiently they reveal exactly what you need to do. Nobody has to tell you. You already have the answers, right below the surface of your distracted mind.

The beautiful thing about Branden’s technique is how it works in virtually every area of life. For example, it’s hard to imagine someone who wouldn’t benefit from completing these stems:

If I commit myself to raising my standard of living –
If I approach my work as an opportunity for self-development -
If I take full responsibility for my choices and actions –
If I am fully accountable for my relationships with others –
If I reflect on what it means to use everything I know –
If I bring five percent more consciousness to my daily activities –

Branden calls this technique “a shot of adrenaline to the psyche” and it’s tough to disagree.

He even uses sentence completion exercises in relationship counseling. Branden says he typically asks each partner to tell him what might be hard about being married to him or her. He then has them face each other and complete such stems as:

One of the ways I can be difficult is -
Sometimes I can be frustrating when I -
Sometimes I make you angry when –
Sometimes I hurt you when –
One of the things you want from me and don’t always get is –

No one likes having someone else point out his or her personal shortcomings. But when you cough them up yourself, it’s pretty enlightening.

He also suggests that couples can increase their feeling of intimacy by completing these stems:

One of the things we enjoy about each other is –
One of the things we have in common is –
I appreciate it when you –
I feel especially loved when you -
I feel most connected to you when –

In his practice, Branden found that couples who remain deeply in love over many years operate at a high level of mindfulness. Instead of taking each other for granted, they communicate respect and caring, even in situations where they cannot accommodate.

Individuals who don’t live consciously, on the other hand, tend to be bored, conflicted, burned-out, anxious, unhappy in their careers, disappointed in their relationships. Unfortunately, they seek the causes outside themselves. This conveniently absolves them of responsibility – and prevents them from discovering the truth.

Branden even argues that one of the reasons some of us fear death as much as we do is our secret knowledge of how incompletely we have lived. The solution?

Greater consciousness.

That means harmony between what we profess and what we do. It’s about living purposefully rather than just drifting through life. It means identifying what is important, recognizing your possibilities, honoring and fighting for your highest potential.

In Self-Esteem Every Day, Branden writes that conscious living “is a noble pursuit, even a heroic one… to strive for greater clarity of perception and understanding, to move always in the direction of heightened mindfulness, to revere truth above the avoidance of fear or pain is to commit ourselves to spiritual growth – the continuing development of our ability to see.”

Carpe Diem,

Alex

Our Inherent Power

The other day I re-read the speech attributed to Nelson Mandela (I recently learned he didn’t give it, that it was instead written by Marianne Williamson). Every time I read it I’m impressed with it’s simplicity and power. She so succinctly reminds us that we are powerful creatures. She encourages us to become ourselves; to claim the power that is ours. And she reminds us that as we do so, we then show others that it is possible to be great.

The other day I had a glimpse of myself as my true powerful self. It was in the form of a brief visualization. It was the first time I’ve ever seen myself this way. It caught me by surprise. It startled me. It gave me encouragement. It showed me what is possible. I have to admit for a moment or two I thought, nah, this isn’t really possible. Then I realized all that “she” was is really inside of me now. So, yeah, it is possible. That visualization was powerful to me because I saw who I can become. And it was a lot more than who I’ve been.

So who was “she”? She felt like a wise woman. Someone who has lived a life and learned from it. Someone who is at peace with herself. And someone who isn’t afraid to be a leader. Someone who expresses compassion and kindness to others. And expresses herself through action, art and words.

After having this visualization I again wondered if it is even possible to attain it, and realized that I believe it is possible. It’s happening now. One tiny step at a time. I can feel myself growing into this wise woman. Perfect woman? gosh, no. Who wants perfection? How about just aiming for my authentic self instead?

At this point you might be wondering, so what? Why is she writing about this? I’m writing about this because I think in the day to day living of our lives we get so caught up in all that we need to do, or think we need to do, that we can easily loose sight of the vision of ourselves that we hold in our hearts. I believe that if we can keep that vision alive, we can use it to motivate us to take those tiny steps of greatness every day towards bringing that visualization into reality. It doesn’t take a lot. But it does take something. Some action. Some step on your part. Done consistently day in and day out. And you’ll find you’ve walked from where you were to where you’d like to be.

Today as I go get ready for work I’m going to hold in my heart and mind that I have the power to bring my unique gifts to the world and to become that wise woman I saw in my visualization. I’m going to continue to express the gifts I’m already expressing and expand outward to express the parts of me that have lain hidden. As someone once said, the world is waiting for us to express our unique gifts; to show the world that it is possible to be more than we are now. I’m going to leave you with the quote I referred to at the beginning that reminds us of the inherent power that lives in us all.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

May we all shine and may we be liberated one action at a time. Peace. cms.